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It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
A lady was picking throuh the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a
stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed asign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck,huh?'
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas."
A freshman college instructor reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not
being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
